Family Matters

One of the hardest parts of living with a family, is the fact that I am not really part of the family.  I am working on finding the delicate balance between integrating into the family and minding my own damn business!

This morning, for example, little Kate told Philomena (her grandmother) that the eggs we had for breakfast were too salty.  I did not know she had said this because she did not say it in English (they speak Fanti).  I was then asked by Philomena if I thought the eggs were too salty, to which I obviously said no (it was true - but I probably would not have said otherwise even if they had been too salty).  After a few more words were exchanged in Fanti, little Kate's eyes began to well up, and she worked hard to hold back her tears at the table.  Irene explained to me that Kate was told that if she complained about the food again, she would be punished.  This may all sound trivial to those of you back home, but punishment in Africa is no small matter (going well beyond the "time-outs" we dole out back home).

As I watched this little girl (whom I have fallen deeply in love with) fall apart over salty eggs, I worked hard to hold back tears of my own.  I did not want to overstep my boundaries by going over to hug her, since I did not want to interfere in these so-called family matters.  Irene also explained to me that you should not hug or hold people who are crying.  They need to be alone, or they will begin to cry more.  BUT, I was thinking, I need a hug!  Thankfully, Kate's tears dried up before we headed off to school this morning, but it broke my heart to watch her cry. 

It reminded me of an incident last week when Irene expressed that she did not want to eat Banku (the meal that had been prepared for the family) for dinner.  She told Philomena that she would prefer to eat something like rice (which is what I was eating - I don't always eat the same food as the family).  For this, Irene was told she could have no dinner at all, and not surprisingly, she began to cry.  On this occasion, I was not so disciplined, and I offered her my dinner as consolation.  She graciously declined my offer, but I realized later, that given the fact that she was being punished, I had probably overstepped.  Sigh.

Of course, I should say that the home I am in is a very loving and happy one.  Crying and punishment are not common occurrences. I am only commenting on my recent personal experience that stems, for the most part, from the fact that I am living with a family that is not mine.

To that end, there have been some wonderful moments that we have shared together that have made me so happy to be in a home stay.  Last evening, Irene, Kate and Philomena taught me how to roast dried corn kernels over the fire to make the cornmeal we eat for breakfast.  We also ended up getting some popcorn out of it, since some of the kernels stayed on the fire for too long (no complaints there!).  I also brought Kate a book this weekend - a Franklin book, since it was her 8th birthday on Saturday.  Last night, she crept into my room, hopped on my bed, and snuggled up to me so that I could read it to her.  It was a treat for both of us.  And I awoke this morning to realize how much I will miss this family when I leave them in just over one week.